The danger of staying silent

10:00 AM team meeting: It’s Henk’s turn. He’s pretty blunt, sometimes even rude, but almost no one ever calls him out on it. He doesn’t make eye contact, just stares at his screen. He says, "I'm working on it," but his tone is cynical and evasive, masking the fact that there’s been zero progress for the fourth week in a row. No progress, no update, and no blockers. Silence. Simone and Michelle exchange a look, and Ronald rolls his eyes.

Everyone knows the project is going to be delayed yet again. Nobody says a word. Marja concludes, visibly annoyed, "So the deadline gets pushed back." Tom sighs and notes it down: "Anything else from anyone?" Nothing. Henk stands up and is the first one out of the room.

I’ve been in these situations plenty of times myself. I used to be baffled by why it’s sometimes so hard to call someone out. I can honestly say I don’t necessarily struggle with it, but even I’ve sat in these kinds of sessions and kept my mouth shut. Even when I was annoyed, even when I wanted to shake "Henk" by the shoulders, and even when I truly couldn't understand why he was acting that way. And I see that the "team" often finds it too difficult as well. People prefer to stay quiet. But why, exactly?  

The price of silence

Silence in the workplace is a red flag, and the numbers don't lie:  

• Only 45% of employees feel comfortable speaking their minds. The rest stay silent, fearing drama, judgment, or repercussions. (Source: niagarainstitute.com)
• At the same time, 89% of people believe psychological safety is essential for high performance. (Source: McKinsey & Company)
• Boost your "my opinion counts" score from 3/10 to 6/10, and Gallup suggests you can expect 27% less turnover, 40% fewer safety incidents, and 12% higher productivity on average. (Source: Gallup)

In short: you pay for what you don't say—in retention, productivity, and absenteeism.  

Reason enough to dive deeper into this topic. In blog 1, we defined a healthy culture; in blog 2, we looked at how resistance manifests. Now, we’re zooming in on speaking up and calling out, and the role psychological safety plays in that.

You’ll learn:

• Why psychological safety matters
• How to tell if that safety is being felt in the workplace
• How you can get started with it

Psychological safety: Fact or Fiction

Harvard professor Edmondson defines psychological safety as the belief that you can take interpersonal risks without fear of losing face. In hospital teams, she observed that the highest-performing teams reported more errors. Not because they were worse, but because they were more open to learning. Safety makes learning possible. That’s exactly what Edmondson calls the learning zone: high psychological safety and high standards.

• Low safety, low standards: Apathy Zone: low engagement, zero energy. ‍
• High safety, low standards: Comfort Zone: it’s cozy enough, but nobody’s really growing. ‍
• Low safety, high standards: Fear Zone: people are too scared to act, and risks are avoided at all costs. ‍
• High safety, high standards: Learning Zone: this is where the magic happens. Rapid learning, innovation, and teamwork.

Without a sense of safety, there’s no learning zone, and without a learning zone, there’s no change. In a clinical setting, that starts with building rapport and setting ground rules together; only then do you feel comfortable holding each other accountable. Or as Rivan de Keyzer, psychologist, puts it: “Before you can get to change, someone needs to feel safe enough to fully express themselves; only then do you reach a stage of learning.” Here’s what we can learn from her practice.  

What do you actually mean by ‘psychological safety’ in mental healthcare?

Rivan: We don't use that term as often, but we talk about attachment and the therapeutic relationship. Without that foundation, people won't take risks: they won't admit what is or isn't working, and they won't reflect on themselves. And then, real change just doesn't happen. You see it immediately in therapy: only when someone feels safe enough to say everything—including their shame, doubts, and failures—do they enter a learning mindset and start to change.
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How long that takes varies. During my time at Altrecht (dealing with more severe issues), building safety was a substantial part of the process. With a ‘healthier’ target group, you can often go deeper after just two or three sessions. But even then: no basic safety, no progress.”

How do you make a group feel safe, and what do you do when things go quiet?

Rivan: “We always start a new group with ground rules. Very concrete ones: what’s discussed here stays here (or is only shared anonymously), what are the rules for contact outside of sessions, and what does everyone need to feel safe? You create those rules together: I bring a set to the table, and the group adds to them.
Next, you address tension as soon as you feel it. First, I try an open question: ‘I get the feeling something is going on, is that right?’ If no one responds, I turn kindly and specifically to someone: ‘Marietje, how is this for you?’ That works better than asking ‘What does everyone think?’, because then no one will say anything. The principle is simple: don’t let tension simmer—make it discussable, respectful, and concrete.”

How do you recognize when someone is holding something back, and what’s the best way to respond?

Rivan: “A lot of holding back is avoidance—a defense mechanism against tension or anxiety. You see it in nervous laughter at the wrong moments, talking too fast, breaking eye contact, fidgeting, or reaching for a phone as soon as things get intense.
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Don’t label it (‘you’re avoiding’), but describe the behavior and ask follow-up questions: ‘I see you laughing, what’s going on for you?’, ‘You’re glossing over that, can we go back for a second?’, or ‘I see you reaching for your phone; does this feel tense?’ If necessary, I’ll take a gentle guess: ‘Is it fair to say this feels difficult?’ Sometimes someone says ‘no,’ and that’s fine too. By staying neutral and curious, you lower the shame and invite them to open up.  

What role does the manager play in this, and what often goes wrong?

Rivan: “A leader can anchor safety by taking the lead: ‘This is how we do it, I’m here to help.’ Dare to be functionally vulnerable: ‘I find this tense, it’s staying quiet.’ That breaks the awkward silence. Also, organize the right conditions: small groups for deep conversations, phones away, and enough time (not just half an hour) if you really want to discuss something difficult.
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Common misconception: safety doesn't mean 'always being nice.' Being too nice is actually unsafe, because you'll wonder if people are saying what they really think. Setting boundaries and calling people out are part of safety. And another thing: if a manager gossips about people who aren't there, everyone feels unsafe ('They'll talk about me like that too').

A little sneak peek: we'll be discussing the role of leadership in our next blog!

Finally: safety isn't an on/off switch. Did you say 'yes' in the moment even though you didn't feel safe? You can fix that. Send a message later or drop by and circle back to it. Better to speak up late than to keep it bottled up forever.

You can start with this tomorrow

1. Ground rules for teams:  

• Create explicit ground rules together: what's discussed here stays here (or is only shared anonymously), how we treat each other outside of the session, and how we address behavior.
• The facilitator introduces a starting set, and the group adds to it.
• Example questions: “What do you need to feel free to speak your mind here?” / “What agreements will help us keep this a safe space?”

2. Create the right setting for depth

• Smaller groups feel more predictable and therefore safer; the more eyes on you, the higher the barrier.
• Phones/laptops away during the tough parts
• Set aside enough time if you really want to discuss something tricky—don't just try to squeeze it in.

3. Anchor safety with your own behavior: lead with vulnerability and call out the tension

• Functional vulnerability: model the behavior you want to see. “I notice it’s quiet, and I find it a bit nerve-wracking to bring that up.”
• Call out the tension and extend a targeted invitation: “I get the feeling something’s going on, is that right?” If you don’t get a response, be friendly and specific: “Marietje, how are you feeling about this?”
• Describe the behavior, don’t label it: “I see you laughing/reaching for your phone, what’s going on for you?” (instead of “you’re avoiding this”).

Spotting a lack of safety

• Groups that are too large (±20): the more eyes, the more unpredictable it feels.
• Avoidance signals: talking fast, laughing at inappropriate moments, and avoiding eye contact.
• Gossip by managers: if people talk about those who aren't there, everyone feels unsafe (“you’ll be talking about me like that next”).

In conclusion

The next time someone says “I’m working on it” in a cynical/mocking way and the room freezes, you know what to do: set ground rules, call out the tension, and extend a targeted invitation. That’s how you build safety and step into the learning zone. We can do it! 😉  

In the next blog: the role of leadership.